Roommate Problems: Netflix

An important way to getting along well with roommates is to put aside some dedicated time for an activity you can do together. You can write a blog together, start a podcast, brew some beer, or just watch the same Netflix show.

I’ve only lived in my new apartment for six days, and I’m already having a long, drawn-out argument with my roommate about which Netflix show we will bond over. We can’t seem to agree on one. I feel that this alone will be the demise of our living arrangement.

Here are the following shows proposed (and why they were shot down):

  • Lost (Roommate had already seen it)
  • Sons of Anarchy (“Mehhhh” – Me)
  • Fargo (“Mehhhh” – Roommate)
  • Luther (We watched the first 45 seconds and it didn’t look great. Yeah I hear it’s really good and Idris Elba is super cool, but the first 45 seconds weren’t amazing)
  • Hannibal (I’ve already watched the first season, would need to wait for roommate to catch up)
  • Bates Motel (We watched the first 3 minutes and it looked exactly like what I imagine Pretty Little Liars looks like. Not scary yo!)
  • The Killing (I decided it was too scary, yo!)
  • Sense8 (I didn’t like the title)
  • Utopia (Not available for streaming)
  • Daredevil (“I’m not into manly stuff like you” – Roommate)
  • Gone Girl (Roommate had already seen it; also, not a television show; also, not available on Netflix)
  • Frasier (Because I’m not a nerd)

Update: We found a solution (I’m moving out at the end of the month)

How To Make Friends In A Brand New City

Do not be misled: “Bad company corrupts good character.”

1 Corinthians 15 : 33

I just moved to a brand new city and have exactly two friends here. I like them a lot, but I need more socializing. How is it that I’m supposed to make friends without student organizations or clubs or teams or classes? I have no idea. Here’s what I’m trying:

1. Randomly approach people at bars

This kind of works? I guess I can meet new people alright but about one in every five times it turns out really weird. So far this is my best strategy.

2. Join meetup.com

Everyone on there is a weirdo and lacks the ability to make friends. They also send me too many emails. I’ll never go to an event.

3. Buy a pack of cigarettes and have conversations with smokers outside bars

I did this and it’s really effective. Life tip: smoking is cool as shit. Problems: I don’t like smoking very much, I smell like smoke afterwards, my cigarette keeps going out because I’m probably smoking wrong, and it makes me feel awful. I’ll probably continue to do this. I imagine my pack will last me about 3 months. Or maybe I’ll get addicted and smoke a lot. Either way, I’ll have new friends or a dark personality trait. Win-win!

4. Join a church

Bible quote aside, I’m not religious. Like really not religious. I was president of an atheist group! I’d join an atheist group here but Brown doesn’t have one and adult atheist groups are full of weirdos (see: meetup.com).

5. Sell drugs

I’d get arrested or murdered almost immediately. Plus I’m not cool enough.

6. Join a Brown student humor newspaper

Yeah, I tried and they said no. Screw them.

7. Go to the gym, get really sweaty, and never talk to anyone or make eye contact

I do this every day and it’s somehow not working.

So yeah, that’s my list of ideas. Got any more? Please? Give me more ideas. Or just hang out with me. I should take a shower and wash this desperation off.

Things Every UW-Madison Undergrad Should Do (But I Didn’t)

I’m moving out of Madison for another state capital tomorrow. Here are all the things that any student just has to do (but not me):

1. Get wasted at The Kollege Klub

A degree at the UW isn’t worth jack-shit if you haven’t gotten totally sloshed at the KK, so I guess my degree isn’t worth much.

2. Enjoy the Farmer’s Market

How great would it be to have some fresh food early in the morning? I wouldn’t know. It’s too early.

3. Jump Around in the student section at a Badger Football game!

I just don’t enjoy watching football.

4. Wear striped overalls

Nope.

5. Party at The State Street Halloween Party!

I’ve never been sober enough to make it.

6. Sit on Abe Lincolns lap and tell him your dreams

This is the best I could do:

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Confessions, The Creator, and Me

The purpose of this post is for me to get all my thoughts out on paper. Now, I can stop telling you about my feelings on The Creator. Instead, I’ll just ask you to read this article.

Part I: Confessions

While Ezra was praying and Confessing, weeping and throwing himself down before the house of God, a large crowd of Israelites – men, women, and children – gathered around him. They too wept bitterly.
Ezra 10 : 1-3

In job interviews, I’m frequently asked to explain my passions. I go through the usual: reading, writing, jeans, movies, and Breaking Bad. But secretly, I have an interest that I can’t talk about publicly. It’s weird, but it’s so fascinating. My friends are probably sick of me talking about it, so I’ll just express everything in a blog post here. My passion, by the way, is The Creator.

I’m going to avoid using his name. It’s probably more respectful to do that. I shouldn’t though; the UW Confessions page is increasingly retweeting his thoughts, so I think it’s fair to say that he’s thrust himself into the public eye. Oh well, let me tell you about this.

So, a facebook page and twitter account called UW Madison-Confessions was started up sometime during the Spring. This is normal. Not much to talk about. I mean, The UW-Memes page existed a while before that and I wasn’t interested at all. What interests me in this story is the man behind the Confessions.

The UW Madison-Confessions page began simply enough. People would write in anonymously to talk about their exciting college experiences. “I’m so proud to be a Badger!” or “I drank beer last night!”. Those sort of posts. Nothing worth looking into. But wait, gradually, the posts began to show the personality of editor of these confessions. I made a whole compilation of them here.  He made sure to publish quite a lot of confessions that really showcased his conservative attitude (and didn’t publish many with liberal leanings). I mean, nothing against that, but doing so at an overwhelmingly left leaning school is just dishonest.

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Further, he made sure to publish way too many posts that were just plain racist and sexist.

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I haven’t even touched on his extreme jingoism and nationalism. Not that it isn’t good to have some pride in one’s own country, but The Creator frequently talks about wanting to kill terrorists and why other countries are so awful compared to America. I dunno, there’s just something about absolutes that puts me off.

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Finally, he began to cultivate an image for himself as a mythical figure at the university (which I suppose I’m feeding by writing this article) and how many of the students worshipped him. He even used a powerful, divine name: The Creator.

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Part II: The Creator

How long will your wrath burn like fire? Remember how fleeting is my life. For what futility you have Created all humanity.
Psalm 89 : 46-48

My interest is not in The Creator’s political or sexist or racist or extremist thoughts. There are many people who have those same beliefs who I see on facebook all the time. My fascination is his narcissism followed by fame. And for a college student, he sure did become famous. What an opportunity for someone who has such strong opinions. He suddenly found himself with 25 thousand people eagerly awaiting his posts. And then he tied his real name to the confessions.

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I just called him narcissistic. Wait, let’s scale back. Let’s say that he’s confident. I think that’s fair to say. In fact, he is unquestionably the most cocky person I follow on twitter. It’s unfair to use his confessions page to analyze him (because as editor, he doesn’t necessarily have to agree with everything posted). Instead, lets take a look at tweets from his own personal twitter.

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Now, I’ve always thought that people who concealed carry thought of themselves as low-level superheroes. It seems that The Creator actually thinks of himself in these terms.

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You know what I mean? Here’s some more:

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I don’t know what to think of these tweets. Are they supposed to be funny or are they serious? Is it reasonable to say that The Creator has delusions of grandeur? Or has he been developing whatever the opposite of self-deprecating humor is? Self-aggrandizing? I think it’s safe to say that they’re supposed be funny.

He is just so goddam cocky. He made a big deal about considering to run for student government (ASM)

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That at least can’t be construed as a joke.

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Here, he wasn’t even sure if he wanted to do it; all he knew was that he’d be a great fit. I mean, this guy is just dripping with self assurance.

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I really don’t believe that someone pledged money to him considering running for a college leadership position. Ugh. Luckily, he ended up not pursuing student government. Clearly, The Creator really, honestly loves himself.

Part III: Me

For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you
Matthew 7 : 1

Who am I? Why do I give a shit about this guy? I’m not even a fucking student at Wisconsin anymore. Not only do I complain and bitch and moan about The Creator, but I’m taking my time to write a blog post about it. I’m not a lonely person, I have friends. But instead, I’m spending a weekend pouring over tweets that a random student has made over the last year. What the fuck is wrong with me?

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Seriously, what makes me so interested in The Creator? Is it because we’re so unalike? He’s a staunch Republican who confidently expresses his beliefs with certainty, while I’m a liberal who doesn’t like to take strong stances. Is it his racism and sexism, where I remain open minded and it’s reasonable to say that he is bigoted? Probably not either of those. That’s not that interesting.

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Is it jealousy? The Creator is confident in ways that I couldn’t imagine myself. He’s so sure of himself.

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My gut instinct is that he made this up. But what if he’s telling the truth? Am I just jealous that he can get girls all across campus because of his relative fame? If it turned out this was true, that he really did have a following, I guess that I would be jealous. Maybe that’s why I’m so interested. I’m waiting for him to slip up, to admit that it’s all a facade and he isn’t so revered. I’m just afraid that it’s true.

One more possibility though: The Creator reminds me of myself. What’s more cocky and confident and egotistical than writing a blog? In all likelihood, my ego is just as big as his. Maybe I don’t have the following to back it up, but I sure as hell become self satisfied when I see likes on my facebook statuses or views on my blog posts. How many conversations have I had with friends asking if they think if my idea would make a good facebook status? How many posts and statuses have I deleted because they weren’t getting as many likes as I wanted?

How am I different from The Creator? Would I react any differently than him if people started giving me the attention that he did? How is my self-depricating humor different than his self-aggrandizing humor? Both are just ways to hide our insecurities.

Oh well, I could speculate on this for hours. I’ll give The Creator the last word:

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Well Met: A Podcast Review

My friends Rushabh and Kyle (sp?) started a video game podcast called Well Met. I would have loved to write a nice review to encourage everyone to read it. Instead, they made fun of me on their most recent podcast. So I went back and listened to Episode 2: Violent Games. Here is every negative thought that I had:

  • Even though I lived with Kyle for a year, I can’t tell the difference between his voice and Rushabh’s
  • Kyle kicks it off talking about video game news
  • Apparently there’s no news
  • I can hear the beer cans and eating/drinking in the background
  • 3rd banana Nick breaks his radio silence to yell at Kyle at how Kyle owes money
  • The theme song is the only part of the podcast that isn’t awful. They obviously had nothing to do with the production of this music and my only hope is that the actual artist forces the podcast off the internet due to copyright concerns
  • It’s possible that my review might be biased because I don’t actually like video games
  • Talking about Super Mario Galaxies, which would be interesting, but everyone is talking at the same time
  • It sounds like someone’s chair is about to break
  • Rushabh apparently doesn’t play video games? Why is he hosting this podcast then?
  • They’re talking about law school
  • A dog is barking
  • Nick is playing SuperHexagon while recording the podcast. Not exactly making a hard sell
  • Maybe I should be playing SuperHexagon instead of listening to this?
  • Humble Indie Bundle! I know this topic! Maybe they’ll talk about the interesting business model?
  • Nope, just name dropping the games that they’ve played
  • Someone is having a conversation in a nearby room. Maybe they’re talking about something more interesting!
  • Now, onto the topic of violence in video games! Alright!
  • Kyle and Nick are “ooooh”ing and Rushabh appears almost as annoyed as I am
  • Tip: don’t just bring up a video game and assume that the listener knows what it is. I don’t know what “Postal” or “Manhunt” are. Explain some of the history behind those!
  • Also, while I’m lecturing, try not to bring up memes. I know they’re easily recognizable, but it’s just weird to listen to people quote things
  • I can hear someone using a computer in the background and women laughing. Do they have doors in Minnesota?
  • They brought up BioShock, that’s a game I’ve played!
  • Alright, I’m into this discussion on violence and policy
  • Be sure to not talk over each other, it’s confusing
  • I find this very informative
  • I think Kyle and Rushabh are the same person
  • I don’t want to hear one person talking and the other just agreeing. Where is the sporting debate?
  • “A game is a series of conflicts” Good point, so should a podcast. Stop just agreeing with each other
  • Maybe the conflict could be racism?
  • Stop yawning Kyle!
  • Alright, we’ve got some minor disagreements going on! I love it
  • Wait, it’s settled
  • Yawnnnn
  • Alright, I’m going to the gym. 45 minutes is enough to get the flavor of the podcast, right?

Final hate notes:

I think this podcast has a lot of potential and I’m excited to listen to more of it! Just maybe consider getting new microphones, getting new hosts, getting new topics and content, getting new recording software, the intro song is fine, getting new hobbies, getting new personalities, and getting a pop filter.

I wish you guys the best and happy podcasting!

Poetry About Spirit Airlines

I’m on minute 25 of a call with Spirit Airlines and I still have yet to talk to a person. Here’s some poetry about Spirit:

If Spirit Airlines Had A Dick

If Spirit Airlines had a dick
I’d smash it with a 5 pound brick.
If Spirit Airlines had a member
I’d punch it until late December.
If Spirit Airlines had a dick
I’d punch it ’til my arm got sick.

If Spirit Airlines had a face
I’d spray it many times with mace.
If Spirit Airlines had two eyes
I’d poke them ’til that bastard cries.
If Spirit Airlines had a face
I’d punch it into outer space.

If Spirit Airlines wasn’t so shitty
I’d be ready to go to Atlantic City.
If Spirit Airlines had a soul,
It would mostly be made of coal.
If Spirit Airlines wasn’t cursed,
but wait, they are the worst.

UW-Madison Confessions Creator Threatened

A student who completely represents the UW student body was violently threatened with death today.

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This is awful and should be taken completely seriously. Hopefully the matter resolves itself soon.

It really bothers me that people would say inflammatory things over the internet. I am offended and know that the Creator would never do anything of the sort.

If you aren’t familiar with UW-Confessions, here’s a few examples of the warmth and joy that has been spread around campus due to the Creator. First, some thoughts on race, gender, sexuality, and diversity:

Here are some confessions about the humility of the Creator himself:

Now some confessions about Madison’s very diverse political atmosphere: