I’m just going to whine about my injured arm here so I don’t have to do it all the time

1. Like, it really hurts
Its this constant throbbing pain that won’t go away and some prescription style pills would be just spectacular. It hurts to put any pressure on my fingers or thumb so that means I can’t type with my left hand or even do simple things like putting toothpaste on a toothbrush.

2. Its possible that its just sprained, meaning all my whining is me just being a wimp
But as the swelling/pain hasn’t gone down at all, I’m pretty damn sure that its broken. It also means that I can’t complain properly about it. I have to say “my wrist might be broken”, which just sounds lame.

3. People keep correcting me “Its your wrist thats injured, not your arm”
No, stop talking. You have no idea what you’re talking about. “But its technically your wrist, not you arm!” Yes, but you know, the wrist is still a goddam part of your arm. I know why you made the distinction, because you think that arm breaks are more painful than wrist breaks. Well, as someone who, previous to this, has broken his arm twice and wrist once (oh what the hell, has also knocked out his two front teeth, hit in the head with a golf-club, stung by a stingray, and had goddam tuberculosis), I can say that they all hurt about equal (the stingray was a bit worse though).
Related to that, don’t try to make a distinction between fracture and broken. While broken sounds a lot worse, fracture means the same thing. Here’s a stupid link so you don’t sound like an ass to someone thats in pain again.

4. Stop asking me about the accident and forming an opinion as to who was at fault.
This one is a first for me. In the past, all my bad accidents were solely the fault of my shitty balance (falling off a bike, falling on rollerblades, falling on waterskis, falling on stairs, falling on a cement floor) and me being stupid (see previous). This time though, I took someone down with me so the story is a bit longer than three words.
Heres a quick summary: I was riding on a bike path, and I stopped to catch my breath (in the dead center of the right lane). I started to turn around and was perpendicular to the path (and in the center) when I was hit by a guy. His handlebars caught my left hand and pushed them into my handlebars. He went into a ditch and flew off the front of his bike. He jumped up right away to yell at me (so I’m assuming he’s fine). After two minutes of that, I rode away.
Now, this was probably my fault. I forgot to look before I turned and now I’m dealing with the consequences. He didn’t mention pressing charges (oh god, could I get sued?) and I didn’t see him at the hospital, so I really don’t see the point in debating blame. I was stupid, so I broke my arm. I’ve been using this system for like 12 years, I’m not going to stop now.

5. Once I get a proper cast on, I’ll have to deal with a bunch of crap like not being able to ride my bike, can’t go swimming, and won’t be able to play any instruments, but I just want to talk about how its going to make my vacation shitty.
So I’m really lucky and I get to go on a whole European tour on Wednesday and I really only have one complaint about having a broken arm during it: showering in the dirty hostels is going to be awful. See, having a cast is gross enough, and its just really difficult to shower. I need to get a garbage bag and duct tape and have people wrap me up and its a whole big thing. Thats annoying enough when I have a whole family to help me out with it and I know its going to be a huge pain in European hostels.

6. Don’t just mumble off a poorly thought out joke about masturbating.
Please guys, this happened three times yesterday. I really like comedy and I won’t get offended by a decent joke about jerking off. Put some thought into it though and don’t just wing it!  “Oh… you’ve got a splint on your left hand! I guess that means you can’t… uhhhh… jerk it with your left hand?” While probably factually correct, this is not funny. Guys, stop it.

Well, I’m done whining. Have a good weekend.

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