WordPress Sucks

As you may have noticed, wordpress has begun placing ads on our posts. Undoubtedly, this is due to the extremely heavy traffic that this blog has been generating. Now, we are entirely comfortable with selling out, make no mistake about that. But wordpress is not paying us one dime to splatter our illuminating prose with this smut that they call advertising.

Don't Click On This

To be clear, this isn’t just an urge to be rich. We would be completely comfortable with payment in “internet dollars”. While “internet dollars” currently do not have any actual value (according to those liberal-leaning think-tanks known as “Banks”), we would be happy to begin accruing our “internet fortune” as soon as possible.

So in closing, if you find an ad on this page and want to do your best to make sure that the authors of this blog get their fair share of internet quarters/dimes, please do one of the following:

  • Write an angry email to wordpress expressing your anger that they are using some poor college students to make money, probably just to fund their expensive cocaine and dayquil habits
  • Boycott wordpress and never read this blog, or any other blog hosted by wordpress, until they agree to pay internet dollars to their bloggers
  • Please sign this petition in hopes that we can finally bring change
  • Just don’t click on the advertisement

Brainstormin’!

It’s a tradition of mine to not start planning a Halloween costume until the day of, and the last three years’ costumes have been testament to that. My “salt” costume included a white t-shirt. A pink t-shirt and pig ears was all I needed to be swine flu two years ago. And last year was no different: I went as a librarian, where I wore the cardigan I wore everyday last fall. It’s not for lack of effort, though — I just like putting questionably little thought into costumes.

This year will be different, since I’ve been planning to go as Monica Lewinsky for a long time now. It’s topical, it’s hyper-political, and it’ll get people talking, which is what the ideal Halloween can do. Is it something I’ll tell my parents about? Probably not. Well maybe my mom. I’ve heard her crack Monica jokes.

Like my other costumes, this will require craftiness and planning.
Things I can do to prepare:

1. Become a White House intern. (Check!)
2. Cozy up to Bill Clinton. (Check!)
3. Get/find/sew notorious blue dress. (I’m working on it)
4. Get/find/steal a beret. (We’ll see.)
5. Show up to Halloween! (Coming up!)

-V

choosing between charities makes me feel like a horrible person

So about 30 minutes ago, I decided that I should run in a 5k tomorrow. Now usually, I will just sign up for whatever 5k is closest to me. Seriously, I will run a race put on by any organization that provides a t-shirt with registration. Yes, this makes me a bad person.

Tea Party Rally Race ’11: “Medium shirt please!”

Cancer Rocks (Madison): “So you guys are against patients… well if its only $10, I suppose”

Anti Puppy Fun Run: “I… how? Whatever, just give me my bib.”

But tomorrow is different. There are two races equidistant from me at the same time. I have to choose between giving money to “Habitat For Humanity” and “The Make A Wish Foundation”. So lets decide!

Reasons to race for Habitat for HumanityIt will give a family a new place to live. Without my money, an entire extended family could end up living in a shelter for months while they raise money for a hole-in-the-wall apartment that they will have to heat with a crappy space heater that they found at goodwill. You will put smiles on their 3 kids faces for years as they grow up in this home and have many wonderful memories of this red brick abode. To deprive them of this would be horrible.

Reasons to race for The Make A Wish Foundation

I’m totally going to race for “The Make A Wish Foundation”

It’s that time of year!

Cherished Fans and Blog Benefactors,

No, it isn’t time for the fall solstice — it’s time for our annual blog fundraiser. Or as we at M&V Blogging like to say, funraiser. (Bl-undraiser? Blog + Fundraiser…?) As you, our readers, realize, with every post comes the sweat of good old-fashion labor. But where does the money come from?

That’s where you come in.  Purchase a knit-wool  M&V Blogging Cap (Official Product) and all profits will go toward a Pizza Party at an unspecified time and location. Caps are $15 and have the official M&V Blogging logo.

Since you asked, here’s a tentative itinerary for the Pizza Party:

September (now): Buy a hat.

October – June: Receive your hat.

Somewhere between October and June: Pizza Party!

Thanks, everyone! Keep M&V Blogging on the web!

Love,
M&V Blogging

Fruit snack thievery

What started off as a quiet morning of remembrance and Honey Nut Cheerios quickly devolved into a fit of quiet rage for yours truly. The fruit snacks I had been so eager to tuck inside my backpack for class were not only open, but its supply depleted to one. Bear in mind that I started off with a fully-stocked, closed carton of six Meijer-brand “Fruit Chews.” Ideas to stop this type of kitchen thievery:

1. Stow away snacks inside my closet.
The only problem is that I tend to forget about food the minute I hide it away somewhere food would not normally be stored. That banana in my backpack? Discovered a good two days later.  The vegan chocolate chip cookie I hid in the pocket of a sweater? Discovered in my laundry basket a few minutes ago.

2. Leave a note.
I’m not so good at the passive-aggressive thing though, room mate who shall remain anonymous.

3. Call maintenance.
I don’t know what this would do. (Authority figure…?)

4.  Say something.
I would like to go the diplomatic route, but I can get pretty riled up about food thievery in particular.

5. Remain silent and write a petty blog about it.
Done!

-Val

A Brief Message To A Future Girlfriend: I’m An Idiot

Hi there! If you’re reading this, then I guess you’re dating me now. Congratulations, or whatever. Before you completely jump into this relationship and we start having kids/going to salsa lessons (thats what couples do, right?), I’m going to let you know something that you might not have realized yet: I’m pretty dumb. There, that wasn’t so hard.

Now, I know you’re laughing to yourself; you think that I’m just being humble. I wish that was the case. See, while I try to write verbosely and I am kind of good at math, at my foundation I’m just stupid. So please give this a read. I don’t want pity or you to attempt to make me smarter, I just want to make sure that you are fully informed of who I am. Here are a few examples of how I’m dumb:

I don’t remember names.

Best actual example: My roommate had been dating a guy for about a month and a half. She had probably mentioned him at least once a day for this whole period. I had probably hung out with him in the apartment at least a dozen times. I could not remember his name one day. Everyone got very upset at me.

What will probably happen: We go to your home to have dinner with your family and your little brother greets me. Even though you’ve told me like… ten stories about him and I’ve actually met him twice, I will have no idea what his name is.

Contradicting event that will make you even more upset: You discover that I know not only the names and positions of most of the Mighty Ducks, but I also know quite a few of their uniform numbers.

I’m bad with calendars.

Best actual example: I mean, I totally understand the order of the dates and that time moves forward, but I’m bad at everything else relating to it. For example, I cannot remember dates. I probably know 5 birthdays (one of those belonging to me and another to Jesus, neither of them belonging to my parents). In addition to rarely knowing what the date is, I also don’t know the number-month correlation. Yes, you read that right. When someone tells me that their birthday is 6/18, I have to count up from January all the way up to… June? July? Whatever.

What will probably happen: Don’t worry, I will not forget your birthday. I know how much I suck at dates, so I will send myself messages long before your birthday arrives. Valentines Day, on the other hand, I’ll totally forget about it. Thats in March, right?

Contradicting event that will make you even more upset: You notice that I use calendars all the time: school events, homework, counting down until the end of February. Somehow, none of the information ever sinks in.

I’m awful at remembering events in my life.

Best actual example: I was asked earlier this year what it was that I did over last summer. I explained that I relaxed with my friends and just unwound from the school year. My parents then explained to me that I, in fact, worked a full time job at the local movie theater all summer. I have no recollection of this. Basically, if I didn’t find an event interesting, I will not remember it.

What will probably happen: I will mention to you that I really like some movie, and you will respond that we just watched it together two weeks ago.

Contradicting event that will make you even more upset: You will hear me tell a story to my friends of that one time three years ago when I saw an attractive girl at a bagel shop in Ithaca, New York.

Well, now that we’re clear on all that, lets do this relationship!