As life is ever changing like a river, so too is the world of blogging. When I entered into a blog pact with Val about 6 months ago, I was anticipating we would both be in it for the long term. Alas, it is clear that now we are no longer on equal footing. While one of us has gone on to write riveting memoirs and has been published in esteemed fiction literary magazines, the other has, quite frankly, withered. I don’t want to say that one of us is better at blogging than the other (but evidence clearly shows that Val is lazy and sucks), so I just say that we should move on to a bigger and brighter future.
In order for this blog to run smoothly once again, we must “trim the fat”, as a butcher would say. And by “trim”, I mean “get rid of”. And by “the fat”, I obviously mean “Val”. I will be sad to see her go, but before I can fire her I must find a replacement! I suppose that I could try to blog on my own, but I fear that my loose-cannon blogging approach will be better used when I have a calm and in-control partner (just like in cop movies). So, lets look at our candidates!
Name: Pat P.
Pros: Pat’s strongest suit is obviously his knowledge of writing. With two years of Northwestern University’s English classes under his belt, he is a master of the written word. He is a regular reader of the blog and knows the style of humor on the blog very well. He would be a worthy replacement of Val.
Cons: Although he has been offered many opportunities to write for the blog (and accepted them), he has never actually produced any writing that is usable. I suspect that he has only progressed so far through college through the use of monetary bribes (as well as sexual bribes).
Name: Brian M.
Pros: Brian is not only a talented writer, but is also the only college aged person I know who leads a significantly interesting life. He has previously documented his fascinating tales from his summer training with the English Army (which is probably the most viewed post on the site). His presence on the blog will probably draw a much larger readership.
Cons: Brian is way too busy to regularly blog on here. Having an interesting life obviously results in a busy one, so I doubt he could contribute often.
Name: Chris O.
Pros: Chis is currently dating Val, so he would be able to consult her often if he needed blogging ideas. He is also well versed in politics, which people probably enjoy reading about online.
Cons: The politics he likes to talk about are super boring. He also openly hates this blog. Chris would never agree to write anything if I asked him.
Final Decision: Dammit, I need someone better qualified. I guess I’m stuck with Val for now.