I Enjoy Art (Incorrectly)

People are usually pretty open minded about art. As a dead guy said at some point, “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder”. Nice. Well, to show that he was totally wrong, here’s a list of ways that my enjoyment of art is wrong.

1. I define art extremely narrowly
When I discuss art, I will cringe if someone says the word “contemporary”. I do not want to see a chalked lines on a garbage bag. Why would you pretend to enjoy it?

You're An Idiot

I went to a local art museum on campus last weekend and we walked through the whole dumb modern art section. I looked like a crazy person, muttering to myself “Thats not art, thats not art. Oh, thats not even close to art. Thats just some chickenwire with a petrified grapefruit on top. Stop it, artists!”
Oh, I hear your rebuttal: “But Michael, you need to think deeper and think about what it means. Thats whats wrong.”
No. Thats not enjoyable to me. When I look at ‘art’, I want to see a nice oil painting of something concrete.
“But Michaaaaaael, you’re being closed-minded.”
Let me enjoy art the way I want to! You know what, from all of your arguing I’m going to go ahead and make the definition even more narrow: ‘Art’ is paintings and sculptures from anytime before 1900. But one more word from you and I’ll bump that date back a century.
“What?”
Well, Van Gogh is no longer an artist, thanks to you. Art is now pre-19th century paintings. Cool? Want to argue more? Because just give me the chance and I’ll knock art all the way back to the Renaissance.
Good.
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