Fatty McFatFat’s Fat Updiet (thats “update+diet” because I’m fat)

Sup fatties? Welcome back, here’s a quick update on my weight loss attempt. Overall, I feel pretty darn good about this so far. I’m putting a lot of effort into it and I feel that I’m getting some sweet gains from it. Here’s the breakdown:

1.Goals
I’ve found that specific incentives are working very well for me. Imagining the pain of being slapped by Sam’s monstrous hands really helps me say no to a chili dog in the dining hall. I want to have another such incentive for after February ends to help me lose another 10 pounds, so let me know if you’re interested in slapping my face hard. Another little workout boost is that I’ve just signed up for the Tough Mudder. It’s a half marathon through barbed wire and mountains and other insane obstacles and it’s entirely possible that I will die. So yeah, I’m going to need to be getting into better shape for that because it’s in just two months.

2. Exercise
[Chris Brown joke], because I’m hitting the gym really hard. Seriously, I’ve been going to the gym every weekday so far. Yeah, I took the first Saturday off, and this last weekend was a lazy one, but I’m still going strong. Workouts haven’t been too creative. Mostly going to hour long spin class or running 2.5-3.1 miles followed by a set of 15 sit ups and push ups. The spin classes are good on their own but I need to start pumping up these runs. Gotta make it up to 10 straight miles in training if I’m going to survive the race in April.

3. Diet
After about six hours spent trying to go carb free (it was probably the worst six hours of my life), I thought dieting was going to be awful. But I talked to some smart people (a personal trainer and a nutritionist) and now I’ve got the hang of it. It couldn’t be easier: protein gives me energy and makes me feel full. I’m not stuffing my face with protein, but I’m just actively choosing it over bread/pasta while completely avoiding fried foods. It’s helped me realize that there are a few staples that I can eat all the time and they’re awesome: greek yogurt, a big bowl of fruit covered in yogurt with some raisin bran, and salted cashews (trust me, I wish they sold unsalted cashews, I would love that). At least a third of my food intake is from a combination of those three items.

4. Critiques
I’m generally pleased with how I’m doing, but theres certainly room for improvement. I need to work up to longer distances. Working out 6 days a week is tough with schoolwork, but I can find the time. I’m definitely getting stronger, so I can definitely handle higher milage; I just need to step up the mental game. Food intake is doing well, and the only change I’d make is to spread out the meals more evenly. It’s really hard for me to remember to eat every 3 or 4 hours, so I end up with the 3 big meals a day, which Ms. Nutritionist says is not great for metabolism. I also need to stop telling people about how I’m on a diet. I always think that it’s a good conversation starter, but it never, ever is. They just awkwardly tell me that I look like I don’t need to be on a diet; why can’t they support me? Jeez.

But enough with the critiques, let’s all be happy. Why? Because at my weigh in today, I’m down to 166. That’s 7 pounds lost guys! If I keep up at this rate, I’ll be down to 159 by the end of the month! Jesus Christ! That’d be so cool. Keep up the good work, me.

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