2 Simple Things (I’m Awful At Doing)

I consider myself a fairly capable adult (or young-adult or man-child or whatever), but there are a few simple tasks that I can’t do. And it isn’t out of laziness, I’ve put in effort to learn to do these actions like normal humans. So please, give me any advice if you’re good at these impossibly difficult tasks:

Using A Can Opener

I’m not talking about one of those new-fangled year-3000 electronic can openers that kids with smart phones probably have. I’m talking about a good old fashioned, two-handed can opener.

I’m already confused.

In my last apartment, I probably broke at least 8 of them over the course of the year. I have no idea how it is that I’m terrible at using one of the most simple tools ever designed. If given enough time (like 5 minutes?) and if I avoid breaking the can opener (it happens a lot), I can eventually get the can open, but that’s depressing enough right there. I’ve had people demonstrate right in front of me how to use it, but for some reason its not sticking in my brain.

Drying Off In The Shower

Most people finish their shower, grab a towel from a rack, rub themselves dry, and walk off to their next adventure (or at least get dressed). For me though, I finish my shower, grab a towel from the rack, try to imitate how a human would dry off, and then walk out of the bathroom even wetter than before. I have been yelled at dozens of times in my life for leaving a bathroom covered in shower water and then trekking more water into the hallway.

“I’m sorry! Maybe if I had like three more towels… everything would be fine?”

And I’m trying my best! I towel off all the parts of my body: legs, arms, torso, groin, head, and back. What am I missing?! Those are all the parts, right?

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