The 9 Stages Of Summer School

1. Focus

“I am actively listening and participating in the lecture! Notes are being taken on my computer and graphs are drawn into my handy notebook. I am experiencing a productive morning!”

Duration: 15 minutes

2. Anger

“This is the third time we’ve calculated expected price. How can we still be solving for the intersection of two lines? Did someone just ask for the equation for area of a triangle?!”

Duration: 5 minutes

3. Boredom

“Could I steal a chair from Memorial Union and get away with it? Even though it’s crazy, I’m pretty sure that a boat would be the best getaway vehicle. The chairs are right by the docks and how would they chase us via boat? I don’t have a boat though…”

Duration: 25 minutes

4. Reading

“I’ve already read all the daily comics (SMBC and xkcd) and cracked.com articles… did The Last Psychiatrist update today? No… I guess I’ll just browse Jezebel and reddit for a while… Also, why do I keep reading Jezebel?”

Duration: 60 minutes

5. Homework

“Wow, are they still talking about finding the intersection of two lines? I reckon if I showed them calculus, their heads will all explode. I guess I should prove my worth by finishing up homework now.”

Duration: 15 minutes

6. Creeping

“This is at least the 9th time this summer that that kid has worn his ‘Fight Inc.’ shirt. One time he did it two days in a row, for fucks sake! Is he trying to show that he can fight anyone in the class? Yeah, he’s probably the toughest. What’s the cute girl count today? Let’s say 6. Girl in the front row is totally rocking that summer dress. I think I saw her at The Plaza last Thursday. I wonder if she recognizes me…”

Duration: 20 minutes

7. Writing

“Okay, let’s throw something down on paper. If the whole astrophysicist profession doesn’t work out, I’ll always have writing. Eh, probably not a career option though. Anywho, let’s get crackin’! Has anyone done a comical retelling of The Great Gatsby? I mean, I’d make it a whole new story, but it’d still be the same character arc. Just like The Lion King did to Hamlet! Should I actually read Gatsby before I write this? Nah, the wikipedia page should be enough.”

Duration: 40 minutes

8. Hunger

“I should’ve brought food. I always tell myself, ‘Oh Mike, let’s bring a sandwich to class tomorrow so I’ll feel full’ but I never actually seriously think about it until I’m walking out the door and it’s too late. It’s not even that I’m hungry because it’s the morning, but also probably because I ate a lot of popcorn for dinner last night. I don’t mean that a lot of my dinner was popcorn, I mean that my dinner was just a lot of popcorn. Should I get pizza today? Ugh, I should get something relatively healthy. What about chicken? That’s healthy, I’m pretty sure… Oh shit! What about chicken wings? Ahhh, is it weird if I go to Buffalo Wild Wings alone? Screw it, I’m going for it after class.

Duration: 10 minutes

9. Impatience

“Yeah, I’m going to cut out 5 minutes early.”

Duration: 30 seconds

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