Wedding Recap

I went to a really fun wedding over the weekend. Here’s a list of things before I forget them:

  • The groom offered me $30 before the ceremony started to interrupt the wedding during the “Please speak now or forever hold your peace” part. I did not accept the offer
  • I tried about 3 times to get people to start skinny dipping. No one ever joined me
  • Indian food is delicious
  • Jumping off a boathouse roof is a lot of fun. It is even more fun if I’m skinny dipping
  • As part of the Jewish ceremony, I helped lift a guy in a chair above my head
  • I’m attracted to girls with dreadlocks
  • I played a shofar
  • Drawing a dick on anything makes it funnier. This applies to wedding cards
  • I could probably develop a full comedy set that only has jokes about doing standup comedy
  • I lost money gambling on the length of the wedding ceremony
  • Sam and Eloise are an awesome couple
  • I won money gambling on poker
  • I got to waterski
  • The wedding was on an island
  • Even though I don’t know what a “turnpike” is, I drove on the turnpike in New Jersey
  • “I Saw Her Standing There” is my new favorite song
  • I slept in a room that was pretty much just a giant parrot cage
  • Parrots are fucking loud
  • I talked to a girl in a hottub
  • I don’t like champagne except in a mimosa
  • I can iron a shirt, but not very well
  • I played ukulele with some really talented people. I tried to sing a song too. They weren’t mean to me
  • I really enjoy dancing at weddings
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