Confessions, The Creator, and Me

The purpose of this post is for me to get all my thoughts out on paper. Now, I can stop telling you about my feelings on The Creator. Instead, I’ll just ask you to read this article.

Part I: Confessions

While Ezra was praying and Confessing, weeping and throwing himself down before the house of God, a large crowd of Israelites – men, women, and children – gathered around him. They too wept bitterly.
Ezra 10 : 1-3

In job interviews, I’m frequently asked to explain my passions. I go through the usual: reading, writing, jeans, movies, and Breaking Bad. But secretly, I have an interest that I can’t talk about publicly. It’s weird, but it’s so fascinating. My friends are probably sick of me talking about it, so I’ll just express everything in a blog post here. My passion, by the way, is The Creator.

I’m going to avoid using his name. It’s probably more respectful to do that. I shouldn’t though; the UW Confessions page is increasingly retweeting his thoughts, so I think it’s fair to say that he’s thrust himself into the public eye. Oh well, let me tell you about this.

So, a facebook page and twitter account called UW Madison-Confessions was started up sometime during the Spring. This is normal. Not much to talk about. I mean, The UW-Memes page existed a while before that and I wasn’t interested at all. What interests me in this story is the man behind the Confessions.

The UW Madison-Confessions page began simply enough. People would write in anonymously to talk about their exciting college experiences. “I’m so proud to be a Badger!” or “I drank beer last night!”. Those sort of posts. Nothing worth looking into. But wait, gradually, the posts began to show the personality of editor of these confessions. I made a whole compilation of them here.  He made sure to publish quite a lot of confessions that really showcased his conservative attitude (and didn’t publish many with liberal leanings). I mean, nothing against that, but doing so at an overwhelmingly left leaning school is just dishonest.

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Further, he made sure to publish way too many posts that were just plain racist and sexist.

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I haven’t even touched on his extreme jingoism and nationalism. Not that it isn’t good to have some pride in one’s own country, but The Creator frequently talks about wanting to kill terrorists and why other countries are so awful compared to America. I dunno, there’s just something about absolutes that puts me off.

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Finally, he began to cultivate an image for himself as a mythical figure at the university (which I suppose I’m feeding by writing this article) and how many of the students worshipped him. He even used a powerful, divine name: The Creator.

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Part II: The Creator

How long will your wrath burn like fire? Remember how fleeting is my life. For what futility you have Created all humanity.
Psalm 89 : 46-48

My interest is not in The Creator’s political or sexist or racist or extremist thoughts. There are many people who have those same beliefs who I see on facebook all the time. My fascination is his narcissism followed by fame. And for a college student, he sure did become famous. What an opportunity for someone who has such strong opinions. He suddenly found himself with 25 thousand people eagerly awaiting his posts. And then he tied his real name to the confessions.

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I just called him narcissistic. Wait, let’s scale back. Let’s say that he’s confident. I think that’s fair to say. In fact, he is unquestionably the most cocky person I follow on twitter. It’s unfair to use his confessions page to analyze him (because as editor, he doesn’t necessarily have to agree with everything posted). Instead, lets take a look at tweets from his own personal twitter.

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Now, I’ve always thought that people who concealed carry thought of themselves as low-level superheroes. It seems that The Creator actually thinks of himself in these terms.

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You know what I mean? Here’s some more:

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I don’t know what to think of these tweets. Are they supposed to be funny or are they serious? Is it reasonable to say that The Creator has delusions of grandeur? Or has he been developing whatever the opposite of self-deprecating humor is? Self-aggrandizing? I think it’s safe to say that they’re supposed be funny.

He is just so goddam cocky. He made a big deal about considering to run for student government (ASM)

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That at least can’t be construed as a joke.

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Here, he wasn’t even sure if he wanted to do it; all he knew was that he’d be a great fit. I mean, this guy is just dripping with self assurance.

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I really don’t believe that someone pledged money to him considering running for a college leadership position. Ugh. Luckily, he ended up not pursuing student government. Clearly, The Creator really, honestly loves himself.

Part III: Me

For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you
Matthew 7 : 1

Who am I? Why do I give a shit about this guy? I’m not even a fucking student at Wisconsin anymore. Not only do I complain and bitch and moan about The Creator, but I’m taking my time to write a blog post about it. I’m not a lonely person, I have friends. But instead, I’m spending a weekend pouring over tweets that a random student has made over the last year. What the fuck is wrong with me?

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Seriously, what makes me so interested in The Creator? Is it because we’re so unalike? He’s a staunch Republican who confidently expresses his beliefs with certainty, while I’m a liberal who doesn’t like to take strong stances. Is it his racism and sexism, where I remain open minded and it’s reasonable to say that he is bigoted? Probably not either of those. That’s not that interesting.

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Is it jealousy? The Creator is confident in ways that I couldn’t imagine myself. He’s so sure of himself.

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My gut instinct is that he made this up. But what if he’s telling the truth? Am I just jealous that he can get girls all across campus because of his relative fame? If it turned out this was true, that he really did have a following, I guess that I would be jealous. Maybe that’s why I’m so interested. I’m waiting for him to slip up, to admit that it’s all a facade and he isn’t so revered. I’m just afraid that it’s true.

One more possibility though: The Creator reminds me of myself. What’s more cocky and confident and egotistical than writing a blog? In all likelihood, my ego is just as big as his. Maybe I don’t have the following to back it up, but I sure as hell become self satisfied when I see likes on my facebook statuses or views on my blog posts. How many conversations have I had with friends asking if they think if my idea would make a good facebook status? How many posts and statuses have I deleted because they weren’t getting as many likes as I wanted?

How am I different from The Creator? Would I react any differently than him if people started giving me the attention that he did? How is my self-depricating humor different than his self-aggrandizing humor? Both are just ways to hide our insecurities.

Oh well, I could speculate on this for hours. I’ll give The Creator the last word:

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