How To Make Friends In A Brand New City

Do not be misled: “Bad company corrupts good character.”

1 Corinthians 15 : 33

I just moved to a brand new city and have exactly two friends here. I like them a lot, but I need more socializing. How is it that I’m supposed to make friends without student organizations or clubs or teams or classes? I have no idea. Here’s what I’m trying:

1. Randomly approach people at bars

This kind of works? I guess I can meet new people alright but about one in every five times it turns out really weird. So far this is my best strategy.

2. Join meetup.com

Everyone on there is a weirdo and lacks the ability to make friends. They also send me too many emails. I’ll never go to an event.

3. Buy a pack of cigarettes and have conversations with smokers outside bars

I did this and it’s really effective. Life tip: smoking is cool as shit. Problems: I don’t like smoking very much, I smell like smoke afterwards, my cigarette keeps going out because I’m probably smoking wrong, and it makes me feel awful. I’ll probably continue to do this. I imagine my pack will last me about 3 months. Or maybe I’ll get addicted and smoke a lot. Either way, I’ll have new friends or a dark personality trait. Win-win!

4. Join a church

Bible quote aside, I’m not religious. LikeĀ really not religious. I was president of an atheist group! I’d join an atheist group here but Brown doesn’t have one and adult atheist groups are full of weirdos (see: meetup.com).

5. Sell drugs

I’d get arrested or murdered almost immediately. Plus I’m not cool enough.

6. Join a Brown student humor newspaper

Yeah, I tried and they said no. Screw them.

7. Go to the gym, get really sweaty, and never talk to anyone or make eye contact

I do this every day and it’s somehow not working.

So yeah, that’s my list of ideas. Got any more? Please? Give me more ideas. Or just hang out with me. I should take a shower and wash this desperation off.