How To Make Friends In A Brand New City

Do not be misled: “Bad company corrupts good character.”

1 Corinthians 15 : 33

I just moved to a brand new city and have exactly two friends here. I like them a lot, but I need more socializing. How is it that I’m supposed to make friends without student organizations or clubs or teams or classes? I have no idea. Here’s what I’m trying:

1. Randomly approach people at bars

This kind of works? I guess I can meet new people alright but about one in every five times it turns out really weird. So far this is my best strategy.

2. Join

Everyone on there is a weirdo and lacks the ability to make friends. They also send me too many emails. I’ll never go to an event.

3. Buy a pack of cigarettes and have conversations with smokers outside bars

I did this and it’s really effective. Life tip: smoking is cool as shit. Problems: I don’t like smoking very much, I smell like smoke afterwards, my cigarette keeps going out because I’m probably smoking wrong, and it makes me feel awful. I’ll probably continue to do this. I imagine my pack will last me about 3 months. Or maybe I’ll get addicted and smoke a lot. Either way, I’ll have new friends or a dark personality trait. Win-win!

4. Join a church

Bible quote aside, I’m not religious. Like really not religious. I was president of an atheist group! I’d join an atheist group here but Brown doesn’t have one and adult atheist groups are full of weirdos (see:

5. Sell drugs

I’d get arrested or murdered almost immediately. Plus I’m not cool enough.

6. Join a Brown student humor newspaper

Yeah, I tried and they said no. Screw them.

7. Go to the gym, get really sweaty, and never talk to anyone or make eye contact

I do this every day and it’s somehow not working.

So yeah, that’s my list of ideas. Got any more? Please? Give me more ideas. Or just hang out with me. I should take a shower and wash this desperation off.

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